A Sad Twist of Irony

Today was suppose to be the day we got our first glance of our 2nd baby.
The day we got to see our baby's heartbeat.
It was the day of our first sonogram.  
Instead we went to talk about the baby we lost.
Today was the first time I dreaded going to my doctor's office.
Before it's always been exciting because I was pregnant or had just delivered a beautiful baby girl.
Today was hard.  
It felt final.
Even though I held it together at the appointment, when I got in the car, the tears came as I listened to this song on the radio.  The words so appropriate. 
I'll praise you this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
Though my heart is torn
I'll praise you in this storm


The little girl that has brought a little sunshine to our darkness is this sweet girl. 

We are so thankful for her.  She has been such a trooper through it all always giving sweet smiles and hugs for her mama.  
I don't know how much I'll blog about our loss.  It's not that I am afraid of talking about it...I'm not.  It's that I don't want to focus on it all the time, especially when I have such a beautiful baby girl to spend my days with.  
Thank you for continuing to pray for us.  As Jeremy says "It's not something you can just get over in a day or two."  

Our December

Our December has been full of ups and downs.
It started off amazing.  We celebrated our precious Mady's first birthday!  So exciting!  We love her so much and had so much fun celebrating her day.
3 days later, I found out I was pregnant.  I was so excited!  Jeremy and I had wanted to have another baby and loved that our two children would be about 20 months apart.  My due date was July 26th and I was super excited about having a summer baby so I could compare what it's like to have a summer and winter baby!  Plus all our children's birthdays wouldn't be together (much easier on the budget that way!)
We planned on surprising my parents and family on Christmas Eve that we were pregnant.  I had this adorable idea to take pictures of my niece, nephew, and Mady each holding a different letter of Mimi and Papa with the last i and a being a picture of the pregnancy test.  I had it all wrapped up ready to go.
But... God had different plans.
On December 23, I started having problems.  I didn't think anything of it though because I had my first prenatal appointment on the 22 and everything looked fine.  (They didn't do the sono though that day.)  I tried to put it out of my mind but on December 24th, before we headed down to Oklahoma, Jeremy took me to the ER because I was still bleeding.  At that point, I was supposedly 9 weeks along.  However, when they did the ultrasound, the baby was only measuring 4-5 weeks.  I held on to the slim hope that my due date was off but I knew deep down the baby wasn't doing well.  I had found out 3 weeks before I was pregnant and there was no way to know I was pregnant that soon.
The ER sent us on our way and we continued our trip to Oklahoma.  When we got there, I was in pain.  I tried to enjoy the time with my family but I was hurting.  2 hours later, we lost the baby.
After spending a wonderful few days with my family, Jeremy and I headed back home.  Reality set in on that trip and I cried a lot.  Jeremy was so patient with me.
We had a doc appointment scheduled for today but instead of going, I ended up getting the stomach flu.  Mady had it on Sunday night and shared it with her mom.  We will be going tomorrow Lord willing.
Please keep us in your prayers.
It doesn't matter how far a long I was or that I have a child already, a loss is a loss.   And it's hard.  Our sweet baby Angel was so wanted and loved.

12 Lessons for 12 months continued...

Continuing on with the 12 lessons in 12 months.
When people tell you not to register for a diaper genie don't listen.
We didn't register for one because we thought "Hey, a cheap trashcan from Walmart will do the trick until we take out the trash."  WRONG!  I guess Jeremy and I had never really smelled how terrible diapers stink after sitting in a trashcan for several days.  It makes me nauseous every time I smell them and I'm not even pregnant.  

We quickly decided we needed an alternative to the "cheap trashcan from Walmart." I didn't want to spend much money of course so I decided to shop around.  

One week, I went into my local favorite shop, the Etc. Shop (yes it's a thrift store and I love it!) and what shall I find there?  Only a perfectly good diaper disposal pail!  And the best part....It was $2.  So now, there is a little stench in Mady's room from time to time, but combine that with the Newborn Nursery scent in the Scentsy warmer and our diaper pail, we pretty much have figured out how to cover it up.  And my nausea has almost gone away....except when I have to empty the diaper pail.

Not all babies tell you when they're hungry.
I didn't think this was possible.  Before having Mady I thought..."Ok so when a baby's hungry they'll cry and let you know like my niece and nephew did."  WRONG!  Mady has never been one to ask for food...ever.  I'm not kidding.  If it wasn't for me and Jeremy telling her to eat, the girl would go all day without eating.  This may explain the reason she's below 20 percentile in her weight...

This lesson however has been a good reminder that putting a baby on a schedule is necessary and it works!  If we would have let her decide when she was hungry, I'm pretty sure we would have been in the hospital several times this year for "failure to thrive".   

12 Lessons

I can't believe Miss Mady turns 1 YEAR in less than 2 weeks.  (I also realize I skipped 11 months.  I will get back to that someday...)   This year has been filled with so many new things for our family.  We've learned so much that we wouldn't if MIss Mady hadn't been put into our lives.  

So for the next several posts, I'm going to share with you the 12 major lessons we've learned from being parents to our beautiful girl.  Some will be funny, and some will be serious.  And they are all in no particular order.  

Your baby may not grow or develop EXACTLY the way Babycenter.com says they should.
This is a big one for Jeremy and I.  I guess I had this idea that if I read enough books, found out what was suppose to happen at each month, then Mady would develop exactly like that.  I don't know why I thought that babies all develop at the same rate.  

Mady has defintely made us more patient when it comes to expecting her to develop like the websites and books say.  I have learned so much as we've watched Mady struggle to roll over, sit up, and crawl.  I am also so proud of her when she does something that I know she's had to work hard to figure out.  

What you feed your baby doesn't make you a good Mom or a bad Mom.
Most of you know Miss Mady's story the first few months of her life.  I started out breastfeeding but at her 2 week appointment she was no where near her birth weight.  After meeting with a lactation consultant everyday for a week, counting the amount of CC's my child was consuming, and all the stress that was on Jeremy and I, we decided it was best for Mady and us to switch to formula.  At first, I was a little torn about it.  Now looking back, I would do it again in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. 

Please indulge me as I go on my soapbox.  I have been super frustrated by mom's who think breastfeeding is the only way.  They vilanize the use of formula calling it "gross" and something "they would never do".  

I completely know and understand that breastfeeding is best for baby in most cases but it doesn't always turn out that way.  To make mom's who choose to formula feed or have no other option than to use formula feel bad because of it is rediculous.  I use to be one of those women who sat in judgement if I saw a mom use formula especially with a tiny little one.  NOw, I sit there understanding that it may not have been that mom's choice.  And instead of judging or being critical or putting up signs that say formula is evil, mom's who can breastfeed should be thankful they can and realize other mom's would love to be able to do the same.  

Lastly, back to the lesson learned....this whole bonding thing that happens when you breast feed is beyond crap.  Mady and I have a strong bond and we have fed her formula since week 3.  WHAT YOU FEED YOUR BABY DOESN'T DETERMINE HOW YOU ARE AS A MOTHER!

Ok done with that.  I promise they won't all be like that!

Mady's Halloween

Mady had such a fun Halloween! Since Mom had basketball practice that went until 5:30, we didn't do a lot of trick-or-treating but we did go around the block.  Miss Mady was our cute "lil punkin"!  

Trying to steal candy from her bucket!

Checking out her loot!

Sister Lexi had to join in!  (Sidenote: having trick or treaters come to our door with Lexi in the house is no fun.  She goes crazy!  Jeremy and I both decided it's more fun if we just leave the candy dish on our steps for people to take.)

 

My sweet Pumpkin!

 
 

Getting Ready For Halloween!

We're getting ready for Halloween around here!  It's Mady's first Halloween!  Honestly, Jeremy and I don't make a big deal out of this holiday.  In fact, last year was the first year we actually had candy to pass out to kids who come by.  We are usually busy with Judgement House at our church.  

We're excited to celebrate Halloween with Miss Mady though.  She'll be wearing her pumpkin costume.  

She also will be wearing her "I love my Mummy" onesie which, as you will see, is adorable!

 Daddy's shoes may be a little big for our costume though...

I'll be posting sometime next week about my "lil punkin"!

Purses and Ponies

So far Miss Mady seems to be all girl.  She loves purses and anything sparkly.  She does however like to watch sports and play with her soccer ball.  So maybe she'll be an athlete after all.  Who knows!
At my parent's home, they have a rocking horse that Mady just loved!

Concentrating on rocking!

Aunt Tracy was helping us not fall off!

We also LOVE playing with Mama's purse.  I have to make sure it's closed or little miss likes to take everything out of it!

Ready to Go!

 

Pumpkin Patch In Sapulpa

When Mady and I visited Sapulpa a couple of weeks ago, we went to the pumpkin patch in town with cousins Rielly and Titus.  We tried to get pictures but Mady wasn't cooperating very well.  This is what we ended up with:

   In less than 2 weeks, we'll be trying for some Christmas pictures in our Christmas dresses and suit.  Pray for us...it could be a long morning!

10 Months ( a lot late)

I wasn't kidding when I said Fall is really busy for us.  
Mady turned 10 months on October 2.  
That's 17 days ago.
Way to go Mom for keeping up.

Ok so here's what Miss Mady has been up to this month.  

We love the word "dada" and also the person it represents.  I think she may be a daddy's girl!  Every time I try to get her to say "mama" she says "dada" instead. 
She LOVES to wave bye bye and has just figured out how to actually wave, instead of waving to herself.

She claps for herself when she does something she's proud of like turning the pages in a book, or playing music on her xylophone.  
She knows how to sign "more" (it looks like she's clapping.) but she only does it for her puffs.  She probably would rather that I feed her those all day long instead of something nutritious.  

We are starting to introduce cow's milk.  I'm glad because I'm so over trying to feed her formula in her bottle.  
Sippy cup and/or drinking out of a straw=no success yet.  Please tell me she'll get it one day!

We're wearing 9 month clothes but since it's getting cold, our pants are too short.  I think this may be a problem the rest of her life.  If we move up to 12 months, she can't keep them on.  Hmmm...solutions?

Stats:

Height: Really Tall

Weight: Really Skinny

Money, Money, Money!

Even though Jeremy and I weren't BAD with money, we still decided we needed to have a budget.  I know that may seem strange to some of you that we've been married for 4 years and never had one.  But, like I said before, we weren't bad with money so we didn't see the need for one.  HOwever, after talking to some wise friends, we decided to try a budget for this month.  It's based off of Dave Ramsey.
IT HAS BEEN AMAZING!

First, we only use cash (unless paying bills).  I didn't know if I would love this, but I do!  I like knowing what I can and cannot spend.  

Second, we write down all our expenses BEFORE the month begins.  Before when Jeremy and I tried a budget, we just kept track of what we spent which was a big pain in the butt.  This is much more simple and easier.


Third, it has really opened our eyes to what we spend, how much things cost, and how much we relied on ourselves before rather than God to provide.  Here's a few stories:

1. I wanted to buy Mady's halloween costume but didn't want to spend much money.  We only had a certain amount in our "clothing budget" and I knew Jeremy and I and Mady may need a few extra clothes with the weather changing and all. SO, I went to the Etc. Shop in town like I do every week.  And what did I find?  Only the most amazing, cutest Halloween pumpkin costume ever!  And it was only 2 dollars!

2.  Jeremy and I budgeted for a car seat and baby gate for Mady this month.  I knew the 175 dollar limit for both of those was kind of crazy because they're both fairly expensive (especially the car seat).  I was about to give up on buying the carseat this month and just add more money to the carseat fund next month when...drum roll...Target has the same exact car seat that Jeremy's parent's have (which we have been using lately) for $100!!!  It's in this week's ad and I was just so excited when I saw it!  So not only will we be able to buy both things, but we will come UNDER our 175 dollar limit!!!


As I was thinking of God's provision for us since we've been using our budget, I was reminded of Matthew 6:25-26
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Our New Favorite Thing

Mady's new favorite thing to do is stand and look out the window.  She loves it especially when her best buddy Lexi joins her occasionally.  

 

September

Where did September go?  Seriously.  
Fall is such a busy time for us.  The busyness starts in September and doesn't end until...well...January.  
September was crazy busy.  From Jeremy traveling every week (yep, fun.) and Mady and I being busy with bible studies, PT, PAT, subbing, fun stuff on the weekends, Colorado trip, etc. we didn't have much spare time.  
October will be just as busy.  
November will be just as busy.
And December is always busy.  
So it's no wonder the blog has definitely been neglected this month.  Here's a little of what we've been up to.
A cute little photo shoot.(I wish I was an amazing photographer but I'm just not.)

Overalls! I love it when she wears these!  

 

Colorado Trip: Last One!

Here's my last post about Colorado.  Since my parents went with us, Jeremy and I were able to go on a couple of hikes just the two of us while Mady got some Mimi and Papa time.  She is definitely a blessed little girl with wonderful grandparents!  
Here are a few pictures of one of the hikes we went on.

This is one of the lakes that makes up the area called Twin Lakes.

We hiked on a trail for 2 miles that led to a series of buildings called Interlaken.  This used to be a resort in the late 1800s for the wealthy people who lived in Leadville.  What's really neat is that they are restoring these buildings and we were able to go inside a few.  Since it was raining, we didn't get a lot of photos of the different buildings.

Dexter's cabin.  We went inside and it was really neat!