Comparison

Last year....

This year...

Say "Cheese!" Mady loves to "take pictures" with her camera!

It's truly amazing how different my little girl is in 1 short year!  I love seeing her personality develop more and more.   Miss Mady, you have grown so much!  We can't wait to see what next year will bring!

A few things...

1. Is it just me or does it seem like EVERYONE is pregnant and due in the summer?  Maybe its just my perception since we lost a baby that would have been born then...  And if you are one of those people that is due in summer, I am super excited for you.  I really am.  I just miss our baby sometimes a lot.  


2. Mady has recently started to throw a small tantrum.  I knew it was coming soon.  I did.  But the unrealistic side of me thought maybe I won't have one of those children that throws themselves down on the ground or kicks their legs when they don't get their way.  So far, its been body limp combined with kicking the feet when mean mommy makes her stop doing something like eating paper.  


3. I've been reading a great book a friend gave me this week called Empty Arms  by Pam Vredevelt.  It's been good and helpful to let me know that what I'm feeling is in no way abnormal.  Especially when I'm ticked that I'm running because I now have to keep myself in shape instead of taking it easy, knowing that gaining weight is just a normal part of pregnancy.  


4.  Isn't this little girl such a cutie?  Everyday I'm so thankful that God allowed me to have a little girl.  She has been a great source of joy for me the last few weeks.

A Girl and Her Best Buddy

Mady loves Lexi.  She sometimes loves her a little too much.  After not seeing her doggie for 1 day over Christmas, you would have thought she hadn't seen her in years!  She immediately tried to grab handfuls of fur hug Lexi.  Here are some of the favorite things this girl and her dog like to do together.

Sometimes Lexi doesn't always like to play with us....

Naptime...

Jeremy and I have said over and over again how blessed we are when it comes to Mady's sleep habits.  She sleeps 12 hours at night from approx. 7:45PM until approx. 8:00AM.  She also takes 2 pretty good naps during the day.  I guess my favorite part though is that 95% of the time, when Mady wakes up she's really happy and loves to play in her bed until I come get her.  
Lately, her favorite thing is to pull bibs out the plastic drawers next to her crib. On this particular day, I counted 8 bibs in her crib.

Christmas 2011

I didn't get many pictures this year...guess it wasn't too high on the priority list.  But I can honestly say, we did have a good Christmas weekend despite losing our baby on Christmas Eve.  Miss Mady was so much fun to watch opening presents! 
2 weeks before Christmas, Mady helped her dada put up Christmas lights.

I tried hard to get both of them to stay still and look at the camera...it didn't work!

On December 23, we had our little family Christmas.  Jeremy and I don't buy each other much... we just do stockings.  We usually buy something big that we both like.  This year it was an iPod and then since our computer stopped working, it ended up being a computer too.  For Mady we only got her 1 gift and some stocking stuffers.  She just had a birthday and we didn't think she needed anything else.  

On Sunday morning, we decided not to go to church, but I wanted some pictures of Mady in her Christmas dress. 

A Sad Twist of Irony

Today was suppose to be the day we got our first glance of our 2nd baby.
The day we got to see our baby's heartbeat.
It was the day of our first sonogram.  
Instead we went to talk about the baby we lost.
Today was the first time I dreaded going to my doctor's office.
Before it's always been exciting because I was pregnant or had just delivered a beautiful baby girl.
Today was hard.  
It felt final.
Even though I held it together at the appointment, when I got in the car, the tears came as I listened to this song on the radio.  The words so appropriate. 
I'll praise you this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
Though my heart is torn
I'll praise you in this storm


The little girl that has brought a little sunshine to our darkness is this sweet girl. 

We are so thankful for her.  She has been such a trooper through it all always giving sweet smiles and hugs for her mama.  
I don't know how much I'll blog about our loss.  It's not that I am afraid of talking about it...I'm not.  It's that I don't want to focus on it all the time, especially when I have such a beautiful baby girl to spend my days with.  
Thank you for continuing to pray for us.  As Jeremy says "It's not something you can just get over in a day or two."  

Our December

Our December has been full of ups and downs.
It started off amazing.  We celebrated our precious Mady's first birthday!  So exciting!  We love her so much and had so much fun celebrating her day.
3 days later, I found out I was pregnant.  I was so excited!  Jeremy and I had wanted to have another baby and loved that our two children would be about 20 months apart.  My due date was July 26th and I was super excited about having a summer baby so I could compare what it's like to have a summer and winter baby!  Plus all our children's birthdays wouldn't be together (much easier on the budget that way!)
We planned on surprising my parents and family on Christmas Eve that we were pregnant.  I had this adorable idea to take pictures of my niece, nephew, and Mady each holding a different letter of Mimi and Papa with the last i and a being a picture of the pregnancy test.  I had it all wrapped up ready to go.
But... God had different plans.
On December 23, I started having problems.  I didn't think anything of it though because I had my first prenatal appointment on the 22 and everything looked fine.  (They didn't do the sono though that day.)  I tried to put it out of my mind but on December 24th, before we headed down to Oklahoma, Jeremy took me to the ER because I was still bleeding.  At that point, I was supposedly 9 weeks along.  However, when they did the ultrasound, the baby was only measuring 4-5 weeks.  I held on to the slim hope that my due date was off but I knew deep down the baby wasn't doing well.  I had found out 3 weeks before I was pregnant and there was no way to know I was pregnant that soon.
The ER sent us on our way and we continued our trip to Oklahoma.  When we got there, I was in pain.  I tried to enjoy the time with my family but I was hurting.  2 hours later, we lost the baby.
After spending a wonderful few days with my family, Jeremy and I headed back home.  Reality set in on that trip and I cried a lot.  Jeremy was so patient with me.
We had a doc appointment scheduled for today but instead of going, I ended up getting the stomach flu.  Mady had it on Sunday night and shared it with her mom.  We will be going tomorrow Lord willing.
Please keep us in your prayers.
It doesn't matter how far a long I was or that I have a child already, a loss is a loss.   And it's hard.  Our sweet baby Angel was so wanted and loved.